alpha PANDA’s Journal

Now that I’ve written my rant and browsed other blogs (thank you all for being human like me), I am going to make a list of things I have accomplished.

- a 4lb weight loss.  It’s still losing, right?

- I work out in a healthy way instead of obsessively

- I have not consumed chocolate in 3 months (big one!)

- I chose fruit over processed snacks twice today

- I took a nap instead of snacking which I do when I’m tired today

- I spent time with my little sisters. yay.

- I have stopped eating my nails (gross habit to break)

-  I read instead of snacked this morning when it’s routine to.

Okay,  so doing a lot of good things.  Yes, I had icecream, one package of cookies, and a diet coke…but I’m breaking bad routines which is what this is all about for me.  Stay positive. Stay Motivated.  Back on track…NOW.

Okay. So I got medication for Crohn’s. Went on Prednisone. Steroids = gain weight. I gained 12 lbs. Gross. Now, I’m on a new medication to control my Crohn’s and it’s working… Health = GREAT!!!!

I haven’t been healthy in 2 years. I am so grateful.

But…. Now that I’m not constantly having diarrhea, I am not losing weight. I am at a record high of my life and it’s overwhelming.

I work out every day from 1- 4 hours.
I don’t eat a big dinner, and am weeding out processed food (because of Crohn’s….this is difficult).

In three weeks… I have only lost 4 lbs. I don’t understand. Tomorrow is my weigh in day and I’m supposed to hit 138. This morning I was 141. It fluctuates, but I feel like a failure…..

I need to lose weight. I’m going to be forced into a bathing suit for the first time in 5 years this August, AND i have to be in a bridesmaid dress in Sept. weep weep.

Why am I not losing now?
What could I do differently?
Isn’t this supposed to be easy?  Eat less+move more = lose weight?

What’s WRONG with me?!?!?!!?!

Really quickly. This is Day 3 of Operation Happiness/ kick bad habits.
I passed up the opportunity to eat chocolate NUMEROUS times today as I was teaching Halloween at Korean School, and then my two host sisters kept bringing me chocolate (sharing their trick or treating gains). Whew! Whew! I feel like I can accomplish anything!!

So, I did. My other horrible habit that I’m not even TOUCHING yet is snacking at night. Tonight, I was told myself that I didn’t need food to sleep, and I already had such a good day….do I really need the snack?
No.

Going to bed having had three good meals, no snacks, and one hell of a successful day.

It’s so nice to know that these come around once in a while.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Yes…. YOU.

I just read a REALLY motivating story on CNN about a woman who lost 110lbs. I liked her list of advice:

Heather Davis’ tips
1. Never let anyone tell you “You can’t.” Yes, you can.
2. Get as much social support as possible. Going to the gym with others is fun and motivating.
3. You will not be the biggest person in the gym and everyone will not be staring at you.
4. Some thin people in the gym used to be really heavy and they will applaud you.
5. Lose weight for you. Not because someone else tells you to. Also, know when to stop losing.
6. If you lose your way (fall off your diet), get right back into the saddle and try again.
7. Keep a calendar. Mark off every day you exercise and eat right. You will see the days rack up, and it will make you proud.
8. When you do lose weight, save one item from your heaviest weight. Look at it when you feel discouraged and you’ll see how far you’ve come.
9. Don’t let friends or family derail you. If you don’t want to eat something, it is OK to politely decline, but don’t go crazy. You don’t want to be “that person” at the lunch table.
10. If you want cheesecake or a sweet treat — eat it in moderation. Don’t deprive yourself of anything or you will get discouraged

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/diet.fitness/01/25/weightloss.heather.davis/index.html

As for me, I am PROUD to report this is a successful DAY TWO of not eating chocolate. This was the THING that I COULDN’T live without. I’ve decided to just focus on this. One challenge, and it is a huge one everyday. So… day two…I feel awesome about it. (was going crazy about an hour ago)

As for the boy situation… I’ve omitted him out of my life as well. Boy and Chocolate are two bad habits I’m weeding out. All my energy focused on this. It seems so small, but I’ve been made miserable by these two things for the last time. I’ve substituted gum for chocolate because I totally believe that you need to replace a habit with another. You can’t leave a void or the temptation is stronger. And when I want to talk to the boy, I watch a movie or study Korean.

Oh, and not weighing myself until March. I hope to be 130-132.

Hope you are all well!

Hey all,

I have been traveling around on my vacation in Korea. It’s hard to keep posting on this during my vacation, but I’ll give you a little update. I hope you are all doing well.

I went back home to America and across the pond to England for a bit. I’m in Korea for 3 weeks teaching a Winter English Camp, and then on to Malaysia, Singapore, and China. I never knew I’d experience this much in my life, never mind within a few short months. But going home to all my favorite foods, and I think England has maybe the best quality food on the face of the Earth, means I probably gained some weight. I haven’t scaled myself in a while.

Diet wise, it’s both good a bad. I’m a stress eater, so lack of stress = lack of snacking. I also sleep in a meal here or there. This year’s resolution is to chill the flip out. I don’t want to focus on losing weight because i think I’m a fatlard, but because it is a result of a new and healthy lifestyle. I am also on a bunch of medication for Crohn’s and just want to feel good again. So far, it’s going well. I don’t snack at all anymore, and I finally cast away chocolate (my archenemies in dieting).

I have gotten REALLY determined lately because I just found out that my ex-bf (my high school sweetheart and I can honestly say the only love of my life thus far), is really heavily involved in another girl that I will call the “Slut”. We “took a break” when I came to Korea because of the distance. So, it wasn’t sneaky or anything. It really shouldn’t matter except he tried to tell me that he doesn’t see her often and thought I would be happy to hear that (insert wink from him). I was furious. Does he think I’m stupid? Is he playing me? No one plays me and wins.
Men are scum. Also, a guy I like now is losing weight and is basically my height and weight now (which really isn’t that heavy). He’s maybe 10 lbs heavier and an inch taller. I’m freaking out. I can’t handle that. I can’t handle that at all.

So, I am really stubborn determined to change my life around. I have many addictions. One is this boy, and another is snacking. I’m giving up both. I’m going to be better for it, and I’m going to move on and be happy. I’m furious and hurt, but I’m going to use it constructively.

wishing you all the best. Be healthy and happy, folks. Those things are accomplishments enough in this sometimes hideous world.

Shelley gave me a great idea to challenge myself.  I have been snacking horribly for the last two days.  My body is feeling it.  I’ve been going to the gym though I feel with the snacking it wasn’t very affective in weight loss.

Goal until I go home (26th)   Fruit for snacks.  That’s it.  No extra little meals, cookies, sweets.  There is fruit everywhere and it will only be an act of willpower to make it happen.

I can do this, but it will be hard.  Still 129lbs… not surprised. I haven’t really been sticking to a diet at all.

CHALLENGE  CHALLENGE CHALLENGE!

Hello Hello!  I am back from a GLORIOUS weekend.  Diet-wise- bombed, but oddly enough I lost a pound doing so.  I ate a lot of stuff I shouldn’t for diet reasons and because of Crohn’s, but I only got a little sick and the pizza was worth it.  Also, had a “few” drinks.  hehe.

 My body has levelled out, then, at this weight of 129 and I need to get my bootay in GEAR to bump it down another 2lbs before Christmas.  I would be happy with 127lbs

I spent a lovey weekend with my boy in another part of Korea.  I discovered that when I am happy and when I feel good about myself, I am not craving food as much. Even when I was hungry, I was content to wait.  Now, how to incorporate that in to my daily stressful life? 

Thank you all for your comments. You are so helpful and making this JOURNEY a bearable one.  I am going to be gone for the weekend so I will leave you with one last entry.

Today, I thought I would be really good and cut my lunch in half so that I could snack later because I knew I really wanted the pastry my host mom had at home.  Did that, then came home and helped myself to maybe a little more than I should have.   It was about dinner time then too, so I thought I would count that as dinner.

Took a long nap which was MUCH needed, then woke up and motivated myself to go to the gym.  I walked 45 minutes there, ran for 30 minutes (whew) and then walked 20 minutes with dumbells.  After the gym, I walked 45 minutes to the bus stop near my house. Got a but and went shopping for a bit (no new scale. They were all enormous), and then walked from my bus stop to the house.  I dunno.

Sounds great until I got home and had “dinner” around 10pm.  Granted the last thing I ate was the equivalent of two donuts around 4pm, but I was disappointed that I ate so late. I could have had the apple. I chose to make a sandwich and have some crackers.  Grrrrr.

But before I get down on myself, here’s a list of positive things I’ve accomplished that make me feel like I’m actually making progress.  You guys should try this.

- i have slept at least 7 hours each night for the last three nights (although a killer at 10:30pm, i feel so much healthier and dont crave as many sweets during the day).

- I haven’t had chocolate in 3 days.  I’ve had to talk myself out of it every day and it’s getting easier.

- I am drinking more water.

- I ran today!  I Soooooo was going to stay in the house because my body is still fatigued, but I gave myself the choice of dont eat the pastry and stay in OR eat the pastry and know that you are going to move your arse today.  In that way, I felt like I was actually making a conscious decision and not all out binging.

Not many positives, but they are still achievements.  I hope all of you are recognizing your little victories as well.  We are all doing so well even if we only see our “mess ups” and “failures” in the day.  Have a great weekend all!

So I did well yesterday.  I ate perfectly… in control.  But, I didn’t work out, and I’m feeling guilty about it.  Like, i ate well, but didn’t go to the gym…is that the same thing as having that most coveted snack and walking for an hour?  Did I just break even?  What’s worse; did I actually keep more calories than I normally would because I skipped my work out.  I need to get on a calmer work out schedule because of my body, though.  grr.

 Today, I feel like I ate a cake last night.  Bloated and uncomfortable.

What’s the deal?

P.S.  My scale broke last night.  Not that I broke it. It was  pretty cheap and just stopped calibrating back to zero.  I dont know if I should get another scale before I leave Korea (2 weeks). I will come back in Feb… In the meantime I’ll be spending time at home in the USA and going to Engliand

Lalalalalalalaaa la aa laaaa

Not snacking.

Not snacking.

I am going to bed in an hour.

I do not want to snack.

I am not hungry, just bored and tired.

This is my drinking water. Yummm water.

This will be worth it in, oh, 2 weeks right?  Dee, Shelley, and Jamie-  This one’s for you!